Three First Date Mistakes to Avoid

A First date will always be nerve-wracking affair for most men I suppose, but they don't necessarily have to become a festival of hurt feelings and blown opportunities if you just avoid some of the following first-date landmines that I've laid out for you below. In addition, you should also consider one of my own personal big rules for first dating... No ROMANTIC First Date!

Surprised? Well, by way of costly personal trial and error I have determined that it is time to abandon the classic "Lance Romance"-style first date once and for all. You know, the kind where you break out the American Express card and spring for the best candlelight dinner at some upscale bistro with the most expensive menu and wine list around?

These deals always found a way of turning into exploding cigars for me for a variety of different reasons... and I've got scorch marks all over my bank account to prove it!

”If you kiss on the first date and it's not right, then there will be no second date. Sometimes it's better to hold out and not kiss for a long time. I am a strong believer in kissing being very intimate, and the minute you kiss, the floodgates open for everything else”.
Jennifer Lopez

The ability to impress women with this kind of old fashioned dating-by-the-numbers crap has been steadily losing its power over the generations anyway, as females become more and more sophisticated.

They are beginning to expect a bit more CREATIVITY from men in this regard, and those who can deliver the psychological goods possess a definite edge in the dating and mating game.

So I say why not avoid all these dangers AND throw her that creative curveball by sticking to high action first dates? I'm talking about activities like skiing or dancing or even (yes!) bowling! Seriously, you have a better chance of connecting with a chick on a stupid bowling date than by sitting across from her in a dim restaurant, slowly getting drunk and spilling out your sad and lonely guts to her.

Guys mess themselves up by revealing way too much about their personal lives (and weaknesses) too soon in the seduction, and they end up blowing all their mystery.

Action dates, on the other hand, generally produce less of an opportunity for those long involved discussions which are ripe with such dangers. The talk tends to center around the activity itself and less about deep feelings. Save those for the NEXT date after you've had some real fun together.

As long as you keep the flirting up and steady all throughout the date, this playful teasing will continue to establish your romantic interest in her despite the non-romantic activity that you're likely engaged in. This builds connection and keeps the pot boiling long enough to bridge you across successfully to that next date.

Remember, ACTION = PASSION because physical movement gets both the adrenaline and her emotions pumping in a fashion similar to sexual arousal -- and on some level of her consciousness things can often become confused to YOUR advantage.

Premature romantic dates also carry with them the potential of turning into angry pissing contests over some minor issue that should've never come up in the first place.

Remember, this early on she might be searching for that big red flag to justify pulling the ripcord on you -- and like some punk breaking under a good water boarding, you will surely crack after a few hours. I've done it and I've received gobs of e-mail from many of you guys out there crying the same sort of blues.

So if somehow you do get trapped into a tricky gab-fest on that first date, here's some important Ides’ to avoid stepping on:

"The worst thing a man can ever do is kiss me on the first date".
Halle Berry

1. Referring to her in the Third Person. Instead of saying, "What do you think of the shrimp scampi, Marsha?" you re-phrase it: "So, does Marsha like the shrimp scampi"? Ouch! This is how an adult talks to a child in order to maintain an impression of superiority over him or her, and it is extremely condescending.

   This kind of remark drops an instant verbal wall between you and the woman by suggesting that the two of you are not equals, and that you view her as inferior. Only a woman with a case of very low self-esteem would let something like this slide by without being upset, and who needs to be messing around with losers like that?

   A similar deadly sin occurs in a situation where there is a significant age gap between yourself and the girl and you refer to her as "young lady". Are you trying to be her daddy or something? I thought the idea was to become her Man? Well, it won't be happening anytime soon with these sorts of verbal clunkers stinking ups the air.

2. Getting into a discussion where you begin to GRADE anything about her look or character. Like wondering what her "upside" or "downside" is likely to be in the imaginary relationship that you're already anticipating... "I can see you are a bit stubborn, which is a downside to being with you... but you have a great smile too, which is a plus!"

   Well isn't that sweet!

   Again, this is pure, concentrated condescension because you have automatically assumed the role of the teacher handing out the "grades", while I guess she can only play the role of pupil in this scenario, right?

   Imagine if some dude you hardly knew did this to you after only having met you minutes before... you'd naturally want to knock his block off. Your date may not punch you in the face, but she'll likely go cold on you for the rest of the evening. Are we having fun yet?

   Modern women won't generally submit to men like simple-minded idiots as they did in the old days. So please try to remain on a psychologically equal level with her at all times and avoid acting like an over-controlling "judge". She's not your girl to be subjected to any such judging yet, you Neanderthal!

3. Telling a girl something along the lines of... "I've got PLANS for you, baby!" Speaking of being an uber-nerd and hopeless over-controller, don't ever tell some girl that you've just begun dating how she's going to fit into your future "plans".

   This is horribly egocentric and makes it seem as if you already regard her as your personal possession. This kind of big-time smother signals that you are a needy, desperate, possessive sort of Cretan who just can't wait to plug her into some pre-conceived romantic dream-vision that you've been cooking up for god-knows how long. Which way is the exit!

   How would you like to be told that you're going to be a pawn in someone else's "plan"? What, like ol' Jigsaw the movie Saw? Yeesh!

”Beware the man who doesn't ask you any questions about yourself on your first date. Conversely, beware the man who does nothing but ask you questions about yourself and offers no information about himself on your first date. Not only is he keeping you at bay, he is probably not listening to your answers”.
Merrill Markoe

If you take the time to create emotionally connective feelings with a woman first by using the power of action before self-revelation, all your future conversations can become delightful instead of deadly because you will be speaking to each other as two people who've bonded rather than two scorpions in a bottle.

My techniques are always intended to try and make this stuff as fun and interesting as possible to keep you motivated and participating in the social process -- which can become quite a drag at times, right?

Motivation begets practice... which causes you to get out there and learn from your mistakes. And this is how you will eventually develop all those mad skills that you're reading books and websites like this one searching for! Would you be successful on your next first date? Do you still worry about having a first date.

Mike Pilinski is the author of "Without Embarrassment" and "She's Yours For The Taking" , highly acclaimed e-books designed to show men how to employ unique psychological techniques to seduce women in a low-pressure, fun manner while reducing their fear of being rejected.

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