Dating Humor

Humor is richly rewarding to the person who employs it. It has some value in gaining and holding attention...
John Kenneth Galbraith

Have you ever wondered what life would be without humor?No laughter but depressing and angry people roaming the world? Man would be nothing but a reasoning animal without it. Many a life has been inspired by the ability to laugh in a tough situation and smile at the miseries of life.

Charlie Chaplin had often said that he would not have survived the greatest battles of his life with out the great sense of humor he had.

Honest good humor is the oil and wine of a merry meeting, and there is no jovial companionship equal to that where the jokes are rather small and laughter abundant.
Washington Irving

Haven’t you notice that a funny person is attractive. Hardly anyone wants to hang out with a depressed person (unless they have to). And because women are mostly attracted to humor, humor is an essential attribute of an Alpha male.

So, if you don’t have a funny bone in your body or are as funny as a crutch, you must improve your humor fast. After that, the war is almost won.

Here are a few pointers you can follow to increase your humor:

• Develop an easy to learn catchphrase or gimmick that she can repeat, thus making her seem part of the joke (e.g. "Winka woo")
• Half the humor in a joke may be in the way you present it.
• Facial expressions and body language can enhance a joke or even make it funny.
• Use fresh material and current affairs.
• There are several types of humor. Try to find the one that fits you best and reflects your personality.
• Be sure she's in a laughing mood to expect all jokes to be seen, And every girl has different behaviour or taste.
• Watch some stand-up comedy shows to get a feel of comedic timing. Observe with special interest those parts where the comedians use men vs women humor, or where they target a particular sex.
• If she's playfully punching you in the arm, and giggling, you're doing humor right.
• Make her like you. If she likes you, and is trying to attract your attention, she'll be more inclined to show you that she finds you funny.
• Try and practice your jokes with a friend before you try it with the girl you like.

• Remember that if you're joking all the time, people may never take you seriously.
• Do not appear as if you're trying too hard. It makes the girl feel you lack self-confidence and are socially desperate.
• If you have been dating a girl for over two years, do not joke about marriage...very bad idea!
• Before you make fun of a hobby etc(Dancing is so gay!), lead into it. You might end up making fun of her whole lifes work

Dating jokes

Dating Reality Check

Ever wonder what your partner is really saying? Here is what they say, and what it really means...

Did you come? = Because I didn't.

I have something to tell you. = Get tested.

I'm a Romantic. = I'm poor.

I'll give you a call. = I'd rather have my nipples eaten off by wild dogs than see you again.

I never meant to hurt you. = I thought you weren't a virgin.

Trust me. = I'm cheating on you.

I love you. = You're a good lay.

I think we should just be friends. = You're ugly.

Haven't I seen you before? = Nice ass.

I want to make love to you. = Let's fuck.

Was it good for you? = I'm insecure about my manhood.

We need to talk. = I'm pregnant.

I had a wonderful time last night. = Who the hell are you?

I've been thinking a lot. = You're not as attractive as when I was drunk.

I've learned a lot from you. = Next!

I want a commitment. = I'm sick of masturbation.

I think we should see other people. = I have been seeing other people.

Let's get married. = Now can we fuck?

We don't have to do anything until you are ready. = Put out or get out.

I feel it's time to express our love for each other. = Give me head.

I still think about you. = I miss the sex.

Is there something wrong? = Is it supposed to be this soft?

You're so mature. = I hope you're eighteen.

It's never been like this before. = It's my first time.

Yes...Yes...*scream!* = Aren't you done yet?

Dictionary Of Dating

• ATTRACTION..... the act of associating horniness with a particular person.
• LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT ..... what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.
• DATING..... the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.
• BIRTH CONTROL..... avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, and dating repulsive men.
• EASY..... a term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.
• EYE CONTACT..... a method utilized by one person to indicate that they are interested in another. Despite being advised to do so, many men have difficulty looking a woman directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.
• FRIEND..... a person in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.
• INDIFFERENCE..... a woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man to be "playing hard to get".
• INTERESTING..... a word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.
• IRRITATING HABIT..... what the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.
• LAW OF RELATIVITY..... how attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.
• NYMPHOMANIAC..... a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex more often than he does.
• SOBER..... condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.

Reading The Signs

The trick to successful dating is learning how to interpret the hidden signs, those giveaway gestures that can tell you so much about a person. Train yourself to recognize - and decode - these KEY "SIGNS." Figuring out these moronic little indicators can save you a lot of time and effort.

1. Woman won't unlock car door for man - Doesn't engage in oral sex

2. Man gets in car without opening door for woman - No foreplay

3. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant - Prefers virgins

4. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant but gets lost on the way - Is a virgin

5. Can't hail a cab - Impotent

6. Insists on going to a homely little cafe with windmill motif - Compulsive Don Quixote

7. Insists on going to a romantic candle-lit restaurant - Compulsive Don Juan

8. Insists on going to a Polynesian bar - Compulsive Don Ho

9. Wants to go to a French restaurant - Will swallow

10. Wants to go to a deli - Won't swallow

11. Takes too long deciding what to order - Has trouble reaching orgasm

12. Orders salad dressing on the side - Will give you a hand job, but will not go "all the way"

13. Gives explicit orders to waiter - Will expect incredibly skillful gymnastics in bed

14. Asks for extra rolls - Will say she is using birth control when she's not, will get pregnant and sue

15. Insists on ordering for you, referring to you as "The lady will have..." - Thinks you had an orgasm when you didn't

16. Asks for "The Usual" - Insists on missionary position only

17. Asks what the specials are - Will want you to use handcuffs

18. Fills up on bread and crackers - Premature ejaculation

19. Doesn't finish everything on plate - Has already come

20. Insists on having some of whatever you ordered - Will make you sleep on the wet spot

21. Changes mind after ordering - Will never call you

22. Changes tables - Nymphomaniac

23. Drinks Decaffeinated. - Fakes Orgasm (Female)

24. Orders in French - Fakes Orgasm (Male)

25. Sends food back - Will sleep with you, brag to all his friends, then try to borrow money

26. Asks for detailed descriptions of desserts - Needs you to talk dirty during sex

27. Orders a dessert involving ladyfingers - Wants a handjob

28. Orders a dessert involving nuts - Castrating Bitch

29. Wants to split dessert - Is dying to get rid of her apartment, move in with you, rearrange all your closets, and take down all your baseball posters

30. Credit card is refused - Low sperm count

31. Under tips waiter - Small penis

32. Under tips parking valet - Small penis

33. Under tips cabby - Small penis

34. Uses toothpick - Is trying to tell you size isn't everything

35. Removable cassette player in car - Pulls out repeatedly during sex

36. Cellular phone in car - Penile implant

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